11 Years

I first must apologize to Ashlie, Corrie, Austin and any family that may read this. Sunday was the 11th anniversary of my late husband's death. I have struggled on what I wanted to write on my blog. I wanted to give some kind of remembrance but I was afraid of what impact this may have on the people who are very dear to me. I have decided I still want to give some kind of tribute so if this upsets you I am very sorry.

Dana and I were married July 1, 1989. We got a job as managers of the Flying J motel in Boise and moved from Twin Falls to Boise within the month of our marriage. Ashlie was born, we quit Flying J and dabbled in selling advertising. I received my degree from Boise State while Dana worked a salesman at a shoe store. In 1994, life was going great with the birth of Corrie and Austin and the opening of our own shoe store. Then the winter came. Dana and I delivered papers to earn extra money. One snowy day Dana fell and hurt his back. He started going to a chiropractor but the pain never went away. After that he physically never felt good. He always swore he had cancer. We went to an orthopedic surgeon who did a bone scan. Everything was fine. In June he went to the ER because he couldn't breathe. Everything was fine. In August he went to a gastroenterologist and had a colonoscopy. Everything was fine. All the time Dana seemed to be physically and emotionally getting worse. He never felt good, was always tired, never wanted to do anything and his back still really hurt him. On Sept 4 he woke up coughing up blood. We ran to the ER and from that moment life was never the same. He was diagnosed with testicular cancer. He had a football size mass around his kidney and it had spread to his lungs. By January it had spread to his brain. In May he had brain surgery to remove the tumor and never came home again. During surgery they found more cancer and did so much exploratory surgery Dana mentally was never the same. After spending a month in the hospital he moved into a nursing home. He had his good days and he had his bad days. For the most part he was unable to speak, walk, and he had no short term memory. He mentally was like a 3 year old. On Nov 11 after a 14 month battle (after actually being diagnosed) Dana finally had peace at last and went to live with our Lord in Heaven. (For those who have lost track of the years, Corrie and Austin were 2 years 7 1/2 months and Ashlie was 5 years 6 months)

Since then Ashlie, Corrie, Austin and I have had our days. There are days when we cry. There are days when we laugh over Dana. Over the last 11 years the pain has lessened but we always always remember. I want to give a HUGE HUGE thank you to Jeff for allowing us always to remember, talk and feel. It really is through his love, patience, understanding and grace I am where I am today. Thank you, my dear dear husband.

This years anniversary was different as we were not able to visit his grave site as we have every birthday and anniversary. But as Ashlie so wisely said, "It is just a grave." He lives with God and in our hearts. Dana, may you continue to look upon us and protect us.

One of the very saddest parts of this is I do not have very many pictures of Dana, especially with the kids. (That is a whole other story). Here are just a couple of the very few pictures I do have.

Calling all family and friends: I am STILL looking for pictures and stories of Dana. I am still trying to put an album together where my kids will always remember their Dad. Please!!! Please !!!! contribute.


his high school picture.

Christmas 1994. My mother in-law Dorthy, Ashlie with cousins Zack and Mathew, and Dana.


Sister Chris, brother David, and Dana at Nursing home. I believe this was taken in August before his death.


Our only family picture. One of the only 2 pictures I have with Dana, Corrie, Ashlie and Austin in the same picture. This was taken just 2-3 weeks before he passed.